Second Practice Onion Article

(I think this one is a little better. It's longer at least.)

Obama's Economic Stimulus Plan Includes Obama Memorabilia

President Obama announced Friday that Obama memorabilia will account for nearly 20% of his $900 billion stimulus plan.

"We are struggling as a country. Parents can not provide for there children because they have lost their jobs. It is the Government's responsiblity to provide for its citizens and that is why I am signing this stimulus package with 200 thousand 'January 20th, 2009 commemorative plates,'" Obama said in his speach on Friday.

The package also includes 2 million silver dollars with "Obama's likeness embossed on the front," 100 thousand Obama bobble heads and 30 thousand January 20th Inauguration plaque with Obama's speech "etched into 24 karate gold."

The plan is meant to help out the nations failing QVC economy. "QVC is the cornerstone of the American economy. If we don't help now, Americans all over the country will no longer be able to buy worthless junk over the phone," Obama said on Friday.

Sandy Wallis, a retired teacher from Greenwich NY, says she supports the plan. "I would hate to see QVC disappear. I bought this Hello Kitty diamonique sterling pendant for only $79, with five easy payments. And that's something you can wear anywhere."

While the QVC plan is becoming very popular with the public, Economists and Republican Senators both say they see flaws.

"We all want to support the bobble head initiative," said U.S. Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.). "But I think we need to do more. We need to also help the falling Sky Mall stocks and keep Sharper Image from bankruptcy. Our nation's crap economy is suffering a crises and QVC alone can not be its sole supporter."

Ill-Fated Attempt to Write Like The Onion

(This is practice for my dream job at the Onion. I think I might have to work at it more. Is it funny at all? Some constructive criticisms would be much appreciated. It's a lot harder to make up the news then I thought.)

Sign Language Interpreter Mocks Representative During Speech

Stephen Dorr, congressional sign language interpreter, stopped interpreting Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) and started making fun of him at Thursday's Congressional meeting.

"Look at this Douche. Does he even know what he is talking about?" signed Dorr.

McCarthy was speaking on the "importance of the detection of early childhood disabilities." To which Dorr signed, "I'm sure he knows all about early childhood disabilities." And then he added, "Oh right, that's what he is talking about . . . early childhood disabilities. What a Douche."

In an interview during the congressional break, Dorr said he was tired of listing to "blow-hards" and wanted to make his friends laugh.

"Really, I don't even think anyone was paying attention," Dorr said.

Samantha Renaldo, a deaf woman sitting in on the meeting with a tour, said she didn't even notice.

"I think I might have fallen asleep when he was talking," Renaldo said.

When asked his thoughts, McCarthy said, "He did what now?"